oh captain my captain

when i found out you were a captain...it scared me.
The thought of you sailing out to sea, away from the comfort of our closeness..
I was terrified.
But I loved you still.
Every time you came home, there were stories of the adventures the sea gave you.
I was always willing to listen...no matter if the stories were good or bad.
I waited patiently on the shore, telling you that I was fine and had no problem with you sailing out to sea.
Secretly, i hoped that the storms of the sea would one day be too much for you to handle.
I prayed that you would return one day and decide that I was enough, that you wouldn't need to sail out to sea ever again.

Every time you came home I asked you the same question.
"Do you promise to return?," I would ask filled with hope and promise.
Your faithful answer each time, "Of course, because I love you."
Then things began to change.
Your trips were longer, as if you weren't in a hurry to see me....
And with your new found attitude, your answers began to change as well.
"of course, because i love you."
"yes... And i love you."
"i'll try...well, i love you."
"maybe...but i love you."

But this last time...
It was so different that I already know whats to come.
Your response.
"i hope so. Oh, i love you."
You avoided my eyes, barely touched me, walked away with a quickness to replace the usual lingering.
You said that you hoped so.
Hope is not something you do...
I can't explain why but when it comes to me, you don't hope...you just do or you don't.
There is no in between.

You have changed.
You welcome the storms at sea.
You enjoy the challenges they present.
You are a true captain.

As your ship takes off i know that you are never to return.
I turn, my back to the coast, facing my future.
I begin to walk away, filled with an empty heart...for this is the day I had always feared.
The day you would no longer need me by your side.
The sea was, is, and always will be your first love.