GOOD RIDDANCE

i think that i was crazy.
for a few months...i had become someone i wasn't.
i was dark, emotional, cold...
everything that is not dorian.
i was so busy trying to please others, i forgot about what I wanted.

my mother as usual saw it all before i could even put my finger on it.
i was blind.
i had no idea.
i look back and wonder why i even let it get so far.
i look back and i know i had to have been.......insane.
it was like i let another person take over my body...
and dorian just resided in the nearest corner.
either ashamed, scared, or unwilling to come out.

when i left home i started off with an image that had been tainted with the wounds of the summer.
i wore them on my face, my arms, my legs....my entire body had been covered.
so much so that my own flawless skin was filled with hideous scabs.
these scabs were people.
people that deep down i knew didnt mean enough good in my life.
those who i had once loved...
once given so much of my time and consideration.
i used to feel sorry for myself.
but now, i feel sorry for them.
they are so lost in this world...
i dont think anyone could bring them back.
however as time went on i stopped caring.
i began worrying about myself again, and i began gaining a piece of me back
day by day.
i began to peel off the scabs.
i understood all the stuff my mother had been trying to tell me.
i realized that sometimes you just have to let go.

i now understand that it was just something i had to go through to grow.
something i had to discover on my own.
i enjoyed all the time shared.
but when i saw that i had no real purpose in their lives...
i knew they didn't have reason to be in mine either.
it was heartbreaking at first.
but shortly after, it was liberating.
i was free from the chains.
shackles had been broken.

no longer will i conform to what others see fit.
no longer will i try to be someone i am not.
this is me and accept me as i am....
or keep it moving.
sigh.
it feels so good to finally get this all out.
i smile as i finish this blog. :)
i feel so complete.
over and done.
have a nice life.