la di da

when it was all over...
i wasnt sure how it would be.
i wasnt sure how I would be.
i was confused
hurt
saddened
yet a bit relieved...
i dont know if i will be okay.
well i guess i dont have a choice
i have to be.
i cant just roll over and die.
i must endure
i must make it
sigh...
its gonna be a long hard process but i believe in myself.
i lost a boyfriend...but i think i got my best friend back.
all i can do now is hope.
breaking up is the easy part....
its the aftermath of falling out of love and trying to really let go that hurts the worse.
everything is different now.
but somehow i will make it through.
the nights will be lonely...
the days will be long..
but the sun will shine again.

beneath the flowers

i dream of you.
beneath the flowers...
i fell asleep and this is what i thought...

you were everything i wanted and everything i didn't need.
got my priorities mixed up...
wanting what i can't have.
wanting what's not mine.
thought i found love on a two-way street.
but i quickly found out it was just a one-way highway.
it's ok though.
i didn't understand until now...
love is meant to be simple.
true love at least.
you don't have to work at it, it comes natural.
so i wonder why i love you so much.
in a sense, you have made me who i am today.
i don't know why i gave you so much power over me...
it was like, here's this wise man who has all this insight.
and it was good stuff too. i fell for you.
problem was...
i wasn't the one you were trying to catch.
i used to cry about it.
i used to spend nights wondering what was wrong with me.
i figured it out.
nothing.
i simply was not the one.

i am a firm believer in everything happens for a reason.
we didn't work for some reason beyond my current understanding.
its quite irrelevant.
one day i will look back on these moments with you and i will know why it all worked out the way it did.
for now...i can't say i have completely grasped it but i can say that i have accepted it.
i am finally okay knowing that i will never be yours.
strangely enough, although you didn't want to be with me...it's clear that you loved me.
that i know for sure because it's something you don't work at.
it just happens.
just like the love i have for you.

i gave you all of me.
gave you my everything.
my heart included.
your honesty broke it....
but you have stayed around to help clean up the pieces.
your kind words put it back together.
and now i will lock it away until the right one comes along.
i don't even know if you feel bad...
but i will say it anyway.
i forgive you.

i am finally letting you go.
not in a sense of removing you...
more like releasing...
the hopes
the wishes
the pleas
and the daydreams.

sigh.
what a beautiful day.