farewell

august 12th.
Move in day.
The car ride was dreadful.
An hour and 15 minutes with my mother, father, and strange yet adorable little brother.
No fun at all.
Finally we had arrived on campus.
Car stuffed full with my life over the past few years.
Clothes, shoes, purses, comforter...all the typical necessities when moving into a dorm.
My best friend and I got everything settled in our room.
Pink, orange, and white are our colors.
Coordinated....like friends since the 5th grade would be.
I hug my parents goodbye and shake off the tears.
As much as they have driven me crazy the past few years, I will miss them dearly.
They have taught me well.
My brother awkwardly hugs me, his eyes glistening as well.
The chokeholds, punches, slaps, screams, pinches, and wrestling matches no longer matter.
He is still flesh and blood and I love him.
I watch as the 1997 silver Toyota Avalon pulls out of the Brumby parking lot and speeds away.
Laying on my bed, i stare at my wall.
There's a collage of all my favorite people and like fate my eyes fall on a picture of us.
I think back to the day we said goodbye...it was right after your birthday, during the summer.
I remember i was so excited because i had gotten you a really great present.
I couldnt wait to tell you.
I remember all the times we shared... laughs, smiles, tears.
We were almost always happy.

Those days are long gone now.
You have gone your own way to fulfill your life's dreams....having your face kissed by the sun each morning you wake.
I'm glad we each had a new beginning to look forward to...because if not i'd probably be lost without you.
I know you're still there for me, but its nowhere near the same feeling.
Im happy for you though, you deserve it.
You deserve to be happy.
I used to be sad that your happiness couldnt be near me, but i soon realized how selfish that sounded.
So i willingly let you go...you would have done what you wanted anyway.
Ill always cherish what we had.
So go.
Do what you have to do to be who you want to be.
Ily forever and always.
Goodbye.

Calling it quits

so what if i told you i was a liar.
What if i told that everytime i said i loved you...i lied.
I mean i care about you, believe me i do...
But i dont believe in love.
Its a nonexistent feeling.
I consider it to be an alibi.
An excuse.
A reason to do what i want and be able to make it all better by telling you i love you.
Would you be upset if i told you i stopped believing in love long ago?
I keep telling you what you want to hear but the first time my heart was broken i gave up.
The way i see it, you dont hurt the people you love.
If it existed, truly existed, we woudlnt lie or cheat.
But we do...
Leading me to believe that its all a fathom of our imaginations.
Love cannot exist because we are all too selfish.
In order to love you must let go of yourself in order to take hold of another.
I have yet to see evidence of true love.
I believe that love is perfect.
Perfection is unobtainable therefore so is love.
I have given up on trying to believe...
And so...i have given up on love.

the verdict is?

Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God?
No.
None of us do.
We are all hypocrites...
I lied to you.
She lied to him.
He lied to her.
They lied to me.
We lied to each other.
It's a cycle.
The truth shall set you free.
Right.
Free enough to realize that nobody EVER wants the truth.
It's all a big misunderstanding. People think that they want the truth but no, they want a watered down, sugar coated version that has been beaten around the bush and back.

I am judgmental. Yes.
True statement there.
However that's....irrelevant.
Because who isn't?
It is quite ironic being told not to judge when that's all we have done since we knew.
How else would your ideas and opinions have been formed?
Exactly. You judged.
Based off of what you read, saw, and heard. Same as I.
The difference is...i wrote it down.
Honestly, I have a nice size pair of shoes.
I fill them really well.
Therefore, i dont need or want to fill anyone else's.
Id like to make that clear.

No matter how much we go back and forth.
We are all the same.
We have all committed the same crimes.
The Honorable Judge Life will sentence us all the same way.
Guilty.